Foreign Exchange Program
by G-POW
Summary: To strengthen its ties with the West, Konoha has a special program in which one ninja from each side is selected to spend one month over in another country. Kakashi is chosen to represent Konoha, but who is this strange ninja with a mask and a lab coat?
1. Chapter 1: It's Called Chapter One

**Foreign Exchange Program**

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**Summary: To strengthen its ties with the West, Konoha has a special program in which one ninja from each side is selected to spend one month over in another country. Kakashi is chosen to represent Konoha, but who is this strange ninja with a mask and a lab coat?**

Hello. Yes, this is a Naruto crossover. So sue me. The first chapter has also been edited. So read it. I strongly suggest you go check out who Dr. McNinja is before reading this at: www. drmcninja. com The comic itself is random enough, what with Ronald McDonald, gorillas, unicorn motorcycles, just to name a few. Seriously. CHECK IT OUT. So, let's get started, shall we?

**Disclaimer: If I owned NARUTO, it'd be named KAKASHI and would star KAKASHI. 'cuz really, who wants to read about an ORANGE ninja? Come on, people! ORANGE! It's like reading about KUMQUATS! Oh, and Dr. McNinja is owned by Chris Hastings, a comic GENIUS.**

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**Chapter One: It's Called Chapter ONE**

**Konohagakure, Land of Fire; Hokage Tower**

Things were quiet in the Hokage Tower, a blessing in itself. Chunin and other workers of the building were busying themselves with their respective tasks, revelling in the absence of a certain loud, obnoxious, orange-jump suited genin; well, at least for now. But high up on the topmost floor of the structure, a low, rumbling growl-like sound reverberated throughout the halls. If anyone didn't know better, they would have thought a ferocious monster lay behind the two wooden double doors leading into the Hokage's office. But to a frequent visitor of the place, they knew it was something much, much worse.

Lady Tsunade was unceremoniously sprawled on top of her desk, which was heavily laden with paperwork, and drool. A half empty sake bottle was loosely clutched in her hands, her loud snoring an indication of what had transpired. A small giggle escaped her lips as she dreamed of hundreds of malfunctioning slot machines, all gushing out golden coins.

Unfortunately, her fantasy was suddenly interrupted by the loud slamming of the doors as her assistant burst through. The Hokage instantly jolted awake, the hand gripping the bottle losing control and applying enough force to shatter it, spilling its contents on the table. Her dismay over the waste of perfectly drinkable sake would have to wait, however, for Shizune was franticly waving a letter in front of her face.

"_Tsunade-sama! There is an urgent matter for you to address! We received this in the mail today and you have to-"_ Shizune then noticed the shattered bottle on her superior's desk and immediately made a face. "_Tsunade-_sama_,"_ she said with a hint of warning_, "Have you been shirking your paperwork and drinking again?_" But as Tsunade struggled to find an excuse, Shizune remembered the letter reverted back to the issue.

_"Never mind that, there is something much more important you need to see."_ She walked over and handed a bewildered Tsunade a single letter. The Hokage took it and opened it. Her eyes widened as she read and re-read the contents of the letter. After confirming its authenticity, she made her decision. At an unseen signal, a bird-masked ANBU appeared before her and kneeled, awaiting instructions.

_"Get me Hatake Kakashi_," she demanded urgently. _"Now!"_

Moments later, the famed Copy-Cat ninja stood before her, his usual tardiness discarded. Even _he_ knew the seriousness of the situation when an ANBU operative suddenly appears before him during his training session with his team. He left instructions with his students to carry out drills for the remainder of the time, then rushed as fast as he could to the Hokage Tower. Now the question was: What's the issue?

_"Sorry for the abruptness, Kakashi, but this is important."_ Lady Tsunade addressed him while fidgeting with the letter.

"_Not a problem, Hokage-sama_," the silver-haired nin replied evenly. "_We were just going over a few fundamental skills. And Sakura can keep them in line. More importantly, what's the problem?"_

_"Not so much as a problem, per say_," Tsunade replied. "_We recently received a letter from a foreign ninja guild. They have sent the information of the ninja that will be visiting our village and are requesting for a confirmation of which ninja we will send to them in compliance with the Foreign Exchange Program between our two societies."_

Kakashi cocked his visible eyebrow, unsure of the term.

_"Hmm, I guess you were too young to remember the last time we had a visitor from them, seeing as how it was twenty years ago_." Ah, now he remembered. He was six, going on seven, a freshly-promoted chunin. But his father wasn't present to congratulate his achievement because he was sent on a special mission in another country. In his place was the strangest ninja he had ever laid eyes on. He wore a black gi, with a grey full bodysuit underneath. He also wore a grey mask, with the front of it colored black. But strangest of all, there was a big bushy moustache smack-dab on the mask. The 'stache itself seemed to emit a weird genjutsu, creating an air of command around the man. And he didn't speak a lick of Japanese, but kept on speaking mangled English and gestured a lot with his hands. Didn't he know all Leaf-nin were taught multi-language courses in the Academy? Oh, the Hokage was talking again…

_"Let me give you a little history lesson on this program. It was founded more than a hundred years ago, by the First Hokage in his days of youth. He traveled to other countries, seeking adventure and knowledge. Somehow, he got on the wrong side of a bunch of pirates and they declared a blood feud upon all ninjas. After giving them a thorough defeat, he left to explore a little island country off the coast of Europe. There, he discovered a small village being pillaged by pirates. The First was tempted to aid them, but to his surprise, saw that it wasn't needed when they displayed a remarkable shinobi skill. To this day, we still haven't discovered what that skill was._

_"Anyways, after seeing the villager's skill, he decided to instruct them in the ways of the ninja, to help them fend off future pirate attacks. Pretty soon, a ninja clan was formed and they immigrated further west, forming a guild. To maintain contact with this new group of ninjas, the First created the Foreign Exchange Program, in which one ninja from each side goes to study the other side's progress and just simply learn and experience new things. They each stay there for exactly one month and then return to their respective places. This happens once every twenty years, and that's where you come in, Kakashi."_ Although his posture was casual, he was rapt with attention.

_"There's no doubt that they will be sending their best of the best to Konoha, to learn from us and show us how they've grown. And so, to honour that, we must send our best of the best, and our best is you."_

Kakashi's visible eye curved, smiling. _"I'm touched that you hold me in such high esteem, Tsunade-sama._" He said coyly. A vein pulsed dangerously on her forehead.

_"This isn't the time for stroking your ego, brat! This needs to be treated with the utmost care! If Konoha fails to uphold its image in another country, we'll lose all credibility there!"_

_"I understand, Hokage-sama_," Kakashi's voice came low and serious. Now she remembered why she chose him. "_I will perform to the utmost best of my abilities there. I will do as Hokage-sama requested. I __will__ succeed."_ His attitude changed when he gave his trademark eye-smile. "_However, _someone_ will have to explain to my poor students as to why their sensei is abandoning them."_

Tsunade felt a migraine coming on. _"Right, of course. The foreign ninja will be taking your place as their sensei, so they can get a taste of what you go through. I need to pound some facts into their heads to get them on their best behaviour."_

_Ha, good luck with that._ Kakashi inwardly laughed. _"I suppose our guest will also be living at my residence?"_ Tsunade nodded. _"Then I'd better tell Pakkun and the others to not maul the poor foreigner when they're sleeping. And…maybe do a little cleaning." _

"_Good_," she nodded in approval, _"Now go get packed. You leave for America tomorrow morning. And try to have a good time."_

"_Hai_." The jounin flickered out of sight.

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**Meanwhile, thousands of miles away…**

"Hell no!"

The sound of the protest blasted from the house, echoing off the cavernous walls and frightening a flock of birds outside the mouth of the cave.

The source of this cry came from the living room, from the vocal cords of a man wearing slacks, a button-down shirt and tie, a white lab coat, a stethoscope, and a black and grey ninja mask. Dr. McNinja was arguing with his parents…again.

"What do you mean, '_no_'?" asked Dan McNinja in disbelief. "This is the chance of a lifetime, to be able to experience the culture of the ninja's homeland! You must be an idiot not to go! Besides, we've already sent a letter telling them that you're going and they've sent one back saying they're sending someone here."

"But I have responsibilities to tend to, patients to see! I'm a doctor! You can't expect me to take a month off and go gallivanting in Japan!"

"Of course you can," said Dan, not giving up ground. "Just get on the plane and off you go! Didn't you do that a few months ago? Going off to Pennsylvania and fighting Count Chocula?"

"It was _Transylvania_ and Count_ Dracula_. And it was for a good cause! Ben was turning into a headless horseman and Dracula could cure him!"

"Why can't I go to Japan?" Asked Sean, or 'Dark Smoke Puncher'. "I'd love to go visit one of their comic book conventions. They're off da hook, yo!"

Mitzi sighed in exasperation. "For the last time, you can't go. You're not old enough. We need to make a good impression on those Japanese ninjas. Your brother is the only one qualified to go."

"Oh yeah?" said the Doctor. "So now I'm a great ninja, huh? But weren't you complaining just last week how awful and disgraceful my actions were to the family? And why can't you or Dad go? You're good enough, aren't you?"

Dan just shook his head sadly. "No, unfortunately. I've already done this, so it wouldn't make sense for me to go again. And your mother has her karate class to teach."

"Wha- Mom teaches karate?" asked Dr. McNinja. Mitzi just shrugged.

"Well of course. What do you think I do all day? Stay home and make pickled beets? Oh, and be sure to bring some of that for those Japanese ninjas when you go."

"Ugh, for the last time, I'm not going!" the Doctor growled in frustration. "Nothing you say will change my mind!"

Dan rubbed his chin. "Nothing, huh?"

"Yes, nothing!"

"Well, how about this. 'Mitzi, tranq 'em'."

"Tranq wha-?" Dr. McNinja collapsed on the floor as his mother fired a tranquilizer dart into him with enough juice to down a bull elephant on Red Bull.

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**Several hours later…**

Dr. McNinja jerked awake, finding himself aboard a plane headed straight for Japan. _Just great_ he thought, _Judy's gonna be livid. How did they even get me on the plane without anyone noticing? Oh wait; Ninja. Right._ He sighed as he let his head fall on the seat's head rest. How was he supposed to learn anything from those ninjas if he can't even understand them? He felt something hard digging into him in his coat pocket. It was a pocket dictionary, a Japanese-English dictionary to be precise. On it was a note.

_Thought this might come in handy. Try to make a good impression and don't embarrass the family. Oh, wuss out and I'll burn all your Batman stuff. Have fun!_

_Mom and Dad (and Dark Smoke Puncher)_

_P.S. Bring back some souvenirs!_

He sighed again. Well, maybe this _would_ be a good experience for him, you know, try different things. So the Doctor resigned himself for the task and flipped through the dictionary, hurtling at 150 miles an hour towards the homeland of his namesake.

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**Notes: Damn, did I introduce an author's note topic from another author's note? That's bad, yo, that's bad. I'm losing my originality! I'M RECYCLING! NOOOOOO!-Oh wait, let's focus on recycling! That's good, right? Let's talk about it next time. Zai Jian!  
**

**- Chindu, Prince of Darkness  
**


	2. Chapter 2: Initiation!

**Foreign Exchange Program**

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**Hey hey hey! Wazzap?...Ew, not talking like that anymore. I'd like to dedicate this chapter to anybody who read and/or is reading this, 'cuz boy, you are one brave reader...uh, I don't...I don't know where I'm going with that. So...two years I've had this chapter sitting, collecting cyber-dust and-...Wtf, 'cyber' is not a real word? Well, screw you, Firefox Spell Check!...Where was I? Oh. Uh...something, something, READ THE STORY!**

**Disclaimer: Don't. Say. _ANYTHING_.**

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**Chapter 2: Initiation Into the Ninja Frat House!**

**Cumberland Airport, Maryland USA.**

The McNinja household stood impatiently near the International Arrivals Gate A. According to the chart, the plane carrying their exchange ninja had already arrived an hour ago, but there was no sign of their guest. Unsurprisingly, Daniel was getting a little irritated.

"What the hell is taking 'em so long?" He muttered, arms crossed and temper crosser. "I've been waiting for an hour and I'll be damned if do for another. I hate public transportation!"

"Calm down Dan," Mitzi hissed, "People are staring. Maybe we missed him coming out. "

Dark Smoke Puncher nodded in agreement. "Yeah, they never even sent us a description or a name, so we can't make a sign or anything."

"Of course you don't give your name or description out in a foreign country!" roared Dan. "Do you know what would happen?"

"Enemy ninjas will be able to recognize you and launch a surprise attack?" Supplied Dark Smoke Puncher.

"What? Of course not! You _want_ that to happen! No, the real danger is you'll be tracked down and stalked by foreign telemarketers!"

"Telemarketers? Really?"

Dan loomed ominously over his son. "Really. They are the one enemy that ninjas around the world have failed to defeat. Even if we were to eradicate all current telemarketers from around the world, eventually more will take their place. Their unrelenting persistence and annoying calls have sent many a ninja to disconnect their phone lines. They have no fear, they have no emotions. No matter what you say to them they keep on coming. It starts with "I'm just gonna ask a few questions, won't take more than a few minutes," and ends up as an hour-long in-depth interview about your long distance plan. And worst of all, they're operating in a different country, out of reach from most ninjas. Now do you see the terror of telemarketers?" Dan's expression had a wild-eyed look to it, and Sean took a step back.

"Y-yeah, sure. I get it, yo."

"So how are we supposed to identify our guy?" Asked Mitzi.

Dan grinned behind his mask. "Don't worry about that. I know exactly what to look for. They probably sent him in disguise. Look for a short Asian guy, with black hair, glasses, and kinda skittish. Oh, and a thick accent too. He'll stick out like a sore thumb."

And stick out he did though, not according to Dan's description. The McNinjas thought they were getting a diminutive, black-haired four-eyed little Asian, with a stuttering accent and the shakes. What they didn't expect was a tall, white-haired, one-eyed shinobi with flawless English and a nonchalant stride. He approached them with a wave, his visible eye curved in a smile.

"Hello there, you must be the McNinjas," greeted the man. He gave a deep bow. "I am Kakashi, here as part of the Foreign Exchange Program. I hope you will help me in getting used to the customs and lifestyles of ninjas in this country." The others started at him. Dan shook himself and regained his composure.

"Oh, uh, um, ahem, yes, hello. I'm Daniel McNinja and this is my wife, Mitzi, and our son Sean."

"Dark Smoke Puncher." Their teenage son gritted out.

"A pleasure to meet you." said Kakashi with a bow. Smoke Puncher was still trying to figure out how his hair never fell out of place. "I'm looking forward to what I will be able to learn with my four weeks here."

"What took you so long getting here?" Mitzi demanded. "We were waiting for over an hour!"

Kakashi rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Ah yes, I'm terribly sorry for that. I got held up by airport security. Something about a terrorist? Thank goodness I sealed my weapons in a scroll. Otherwise it would have taken even longer!" The other ninjas nodded their heads knowingly, having gone through the same predicament in the past.

"Enough chit chat!" roared Dan. "Let's get back to the house. You don't mind walking, do you Kakashi?"

"After you," Kakashi gestured.

"Atta boy." And so the four ninjas vanished, leaving behind a crowd of astonished spectators.

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**Nakashibetsu Airport, Hokkaido, Japan**

Lady Tsunade, Hokage of Konohagakure and the ninja world's best and strongest medic, was irked. Very irked. Her ANBU escort knew what it was like for their leader to be irked, and secretly edged themselves away from the ticking time bomb with a right hook that could punch through steel. Lady Tsunade had her arms crossed, tapped her foot impatiently and had an ever-growing scowl on her face. Yup, irked.

"_How dare that ingrate make me wait for so long! Screw diplomacy, I need to smash something! Shizune!" _

Her assistant quickly scurried over, Tonton's head bobbing up and down in her arms.

"_Yes, Tsunade-sama_?" she asked timidly. Her teacher was in one of her moods again.

"_What time did you say the plane arrived?"_ Demanded Tsunade.

"_Noon."_

"_And what time is it now?"_

"_Two o'clock."_

"_And where's my table?"_

"_Smashed to bits back at the Hokage Tower because Naruto came in at the last minute to ask if he could go with you."_ Shizune gave her a pointed look.

"…_Oh yeah. Ahem_,_ and where's the deadbeat ninja who's supposed to be here?"_

"_Um, at the terminal?"_

Lady Tsunade punched a fist into her hand. "_Well, he'll _be _terminal if I have to wait another goddamned min-"_

"_Tsunade-sama, I think I've spotted him!"_ A cat-masked ANBU pointed to the gate and Tsunade turned her head. Sure enough, their belated guest appeared, in a white lab coat and ninja mask and standing a head taller than everybody else. Yup, foreigner. He also looked a little confused, scratching his head and looking left and right. Lady Tsunade's temper dropped instantly and she put on a smile, marching towards their visitor. Her entourage followed suit.

It had been a tiring morning for the good doctor. The minute he stepped off the plane he was apprehended by Japanese airport security, probably due to the katana on his back, the spare katana on his back, the crossbow strapped to his leg, various shuriken in his pockets, and the odd grenade lodged in his shoe. Oh, and the pickled beets. Never hurts to be prepared.

It took some time to convince them that he was a visiting ninja from a foreign country, and it took even more time for them to call up a government official to confirm his statement. Apparently, ninjas in this country lived separately from the majority of the population, except for the few who chose to live within the shinobi countries. The two societies made very little contact with each other, except when necessary, to ensure the safety of the people. According to the official, the majority of the people don't even know the existence of their ninja neighbors, and vice versa.

And so, it was two hours before Dr. McNinja got out of that claustrophobic little office and into the fresh air, only to choke on a bug and find out that he had no idea who his contact is.

It was then that he noticed a woman with _extremely_ large assets coming his way, with a grimace on her face and an escort of seven masked persons and a frazzled girl holding a pig. Dr. McNinja was still slightly distracted when he realized that she was talking in English no less, albeit with a slight accent.

"Hello, you must be McNinja-san," said the lady with the big, uh, well you get the idea. "Welcome to our country!"

"Um, oh, yes! Thank you," he said. How did they know his name? Didn't Dad say you should never give out a ninja's name in a foreign country? He probably did it just for fun. Dr. McNinja focused back on the conversation. "I'm so glad you can speak English. I guess I won't be needing this," He casually tossed the dictionary behind him, and was rewarded with a loud 'AIYA!' coupled with possible swears in Japanese. "Oh my, I'm so sorry! Um, don't worry, I can fix that; I'm a doctor! Can somebody translate that for him?"

Lady Tsunade merely raised an eyebrow at this, and beckoned the group away from the commotion. This was why shinobi didn't mix with regular civilians; regular people. They were too carefree and fragile. At least the people who live with the ninjas knew how to be alert and defend themselves. But with these outsiders, one ambitious chuunin could take over their entire country.

That was why the shinobi countries were so secluded, the single passageway connecting the two societies so guarded. Only the Kages were allowed to cross over, to ensure the safety of both cultures. There was only one way in or out, and only accessible on foot. The Hokage hoped that this foreigner was up for the challenge.

"McNinja-san, I hope you will have a fruitful experience while in our country," started Lady Tsunade, "but I'm afraid to get there, we have quite a ways to go before we arrive at my village."

"No worries, ma'am. My dad used to make me climb mountains to fetch him breakfast. Now it's my brother's job."

"Your father has some very interesting training methods."

Dr. McNinja shook his head. "Nah, he just has a fetish for condor omelets."

Lady Tsunade nodded. Then remembered something. "I'm sorry; I'm afraid I haven't even introduced myself. I am Tsunade, Fifth Hokage of Konohagakure, the Village Hidden in the Leaves. This is Shizune, my assistant, and my escorts, the ANBU Black Ops, our village's elite."

The doctor was sent reeling. Thiswoman was the leader of a whole ninja clan? Wow. Not that he was sexist or anything, but WOW. Now why couldn't his clan have that kind of leader? Wait a minute. His dad was the clan leader, and if their clan leader were to look like that then…

"GAAAHH! IT BURNS!" Dr. McNinja clutched his eyes, desperately trying to claw out the horrifying image.

"McNinja-san, are you alright?" Asked Shizune worriedly. The strange outsider had been silent, then suddenly burst out screaming. The ANBU surrounded their leader, in position to defend against an attack. The doctor waved her off, shaking his head.

"No, no, I'm fine. Sorry for the outburst. I just have a fu- er, _messed_ up imagination."

After being reassured by the Hokage, the ANBU lowered their weapons, grumbling about crazy spastic foreigners. Lady Tsunade approached him.

"We are ready to depart. I do not know your ways of transport, McNinja-san, but we will be traveling on foot. Will you be able to keep up?" Dr. McNinja nodded enthusiastically.

"No problem, Hokage-ma'am. My mom once dropped me off in front of a herd of stampeding buffalo and-,"

"Good. Let's go." The whole squad vanished, leaving behind a startled ninja doctor.

"_Tsunade-sama, is it okay to ditch him like that?_" Shizune leapt next to Tsunade, matching her stride. The Konoha ninjas bounded from branch to branch in a large forest a few miles from the airport. Greenery blurred past them as they flitted through the treetops, shadows barely touching the ground.

"_We can't let just anybody into the Shinobi countries,_" replied Lady Tsunade, "_You wouldn't believe how many outsiders want to enter our society, with not the purest of intentions. Verification is needed, and since paperwork can be forged, we have to rely on assessing outsiders by their skill. This insures their authentication, and safety._"

Shizune scrunched her forehead a bit. "_But what's the point of leaving him there? Don't we need to test his talents?_"

Tsunade grinned evilly. "_We _are_ testing him. Just in a more…conventional way. If that McNinja fellow can catch up to us by the time we make camp, I'm willing to let him_-"

"_There_ you are." The squad of shinobi skidded to a halt. The foreigner was perched on a branch right in front of them, happily waving. "You guys _are_ good. It took me a while to track you down." His eyes curved into a smile, and Tsunade was irritably reminded of another masked brat. "So, am I right in saying I passed the test?...Or, are you going to kill me for sneaking up on you? Please be the first one."

Now it was the Leaf-nin's turn to be surprised. They'd certainly underestimated this guy's talents. Tracking and following a squad of ANBU was a feat few could accomplish, let alone managing to slip ahead of them without being detected. And to top it off Tsunade, one of the revered Sannin and an expert at hiding her tracks, was with them. The shinobi now began to see their foreign comrade in a new light.

The Hokage recovered from her momentary shock, then leapt to the ground, her squad and the doctor following. She put her hands on her hips and marched towards him, frowning menacingly. Dr. McNinja took a few steps back, unsure of her intentions. She stopped, and held out her hand.

"Congratulations, McNinja-san. You've exceeded my expectations. I apologize for the rudeness of the trial, but we had to make sure you were genuine."

"Nah, don't worry about it." Said the ninja doctor. Tsunade grinned.

"Very well then. Let's be off!" This time, all the ninjas disappeared together.

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**Notes: Recycling is good for the environment!...Or so they say. What we REALLY need to recycle is our Helium. It's a non-renewable resource and it's quickly depleting. Ever wonder why it costs so much now to buy birthday balloons? Yeah. So, good people, conserve your helium for what's REALLY important: Chipmunk impersonations. Tạm biệt!**

**-Chindu, Prince of Darkness  
**


	3. Chapter 3: Unique Cultural Tastes

**Foreign Exchange Program  
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**Yo 'sup? Hey, cool, I updated within a week! Yeah, don't expect this kind of speed in the future...maybe. Uh, let's see...Oh dude, you know what I wanna watch? The Green Hornet. Just to see it in 'KATO VISION'. Heh, yeah. Anyways, thanks for reviewing this story. Enjoy more ninja-stuff. Ninjas are EPIC.**

**Disclaimer: Both Kakashi and Dr. McNinja are ninjas, and ninjas are too hot to handle without the proper equipment. I do not have proper equipment.**

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Chapter 3: Unique Cultural Tastes  
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**A few miles outside of Cumberland**

Kakashi stood at the mouth of a gaping cavern with Dan McNinja. Although the day was bright and sunny, the sky seemed to darken as they approached the cave. The gloomy darkness exhaled the occasional blast of bone-chilling air, whistling between the teeth-like rock formations like the breath of a gigantic beast. Little could be seen beyond the entrance, as if all light ceased to exist any further. The dripping of water could be heard echoing off the walls, amplified ten-fold. It was hard to believe that these ninjas lived here.

"As I was saying," Dan started, "there is only one way to get to our house. And that is to," He paused for dramatic effect. "Defeat my wife."

Kakashi blinked, unsure he'd heard him right. "Defeat Mitzi-san, Daniel-san?" he asked.

"I told you before, call me Dan." Replied the elder ninja, "And yeah, you heard me. Get past my wife and you'll earn yourself a spot at the dinner table. Lose, and you get to scrounge up your meal in the forest. And I've gotta say, there are some pretty vicious creatures around these parts at night."

Kakashi doubted they were as dangerous as the animals found in the Forest of Death, but you never know in a foreign country. He resigned himself to the task, and entered the cave. Dan stood at the opening, hollering out what he considered to be tips.

"Remember, if you see any movement, most likely it's just one of our robots. If you don't see any movement, most likely you're gonna get attacked at a twenty-three degree angle from your left. Don't trust your eyes, instead, listen to your irises: they're the fastest muscles in your body. Or was that your eyebrows? Whatever. And the most important rule is: Don't tread mud on the carpet! Mitzi will kill you if you do that! Yeah? Got that, son? Alright, good luck. Ninja combat ethics state that no interference of any kind is allowed in a duel, so I'm just gonna wait out here." Dan put his hands on his hips and shook his head sadly. "Waste of a fine ninja, there. That boy's done for."

By now, sounds of fighting could be heard coming from the inner recesses of the cave. The distinct sharp clanging of metal on metal, followed by muffled punches drifted into Dan's ears. The occasional crack and crumbling of stalagmites resounded from the darkness. All of a sudden, everything went silent. It was a while before the fighting started up again, this time deeper into the cave. Dan waited patiently, bemused at how long this match was.

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**Six Hours Later...**

It was nightfall when Dan finally had enough. He had been waiting outside, cold, alone, and hungry, and still the duel wasn't over. Screw ninja combat ethics, he was starving! He marched into the cavern, toward the sound of fighting. Deeper and deeper he went, weaving between the polished conics of granite. The noise was getting louder with each step he took. A distant light told him that he was close to the house. Rounding a corner, Dan reached a quaint little two-story house situated between the stalagmites. Light shone from every window, and Dan muttered something about conserving energy as he approached the house. As he neared it, the fighting sounds grew louder. When he opened the door, he was greeted by the sight of the foreign ninja and his youngest son in the living room watching a martial arts movie. Mitzi was in the kitchen preparing dinner. Dan's blood pressure rose considerably.

"Why didn't anyone tell me the match was over?" He roared. Kakashi and Dark Smoke Puncher both turned and blinked artlessly while Mitzi stepped back from the sink, cleaning a kitchen knife.

"Oh you're back?" She said, "I thought you were out hunting for your own food again. I know how peculiar your tastes are when it comes to wild game."

"No," Dan said in a low growl, "I was waiting for the match to end. For SIX HOURS!"

"Oh, that. Kakashi beat me within the first few minutes. I was impressed" She gave a rare appraising look towards the ninja in question and Kakashi sheepishly muttered a thank-you. "Afterwards we came back to the house and Smoke Puncher has been showing him his collection of martial arts DVDs. We thought to go fetch you but were so caught up in the movie that time just flew."

She shrugged and went back to the kitchen. Dan's mustache twitched a few times, then he grumbled and stalked away, muttering about absent-minded wives (a comment that was rewarded by a steely glare and a kitchen knife embedded in the wall a few millimeters from his nose).

Dinner with the McNinjas was the strangest one that Kakashi had gone through by far, including the one at the spa with his team. For one, everyone was sitting together, having a nice family dinner and idly chatting about their day. Oh, and everyone was wearing masks. Food disappeared off the table like magic and was behind covered mouths faster than one could blink. When asked to pass any condiments, it was hurdled at such breakneck speed that only trained ninjas could even hope to react fast enough to catch it.

_Hmm, so this is what it's like to be in __an American__ family? _Thought Kakashi. This dinner-style training was very interesting, and he planned to introduce it to his team and fellow jonin instructors. It never hurt to train too much.

All through dinner, Kakashi was bombarded with questions about himself and his homeland. He tried to answer to the best of his abilities, but there were some secrets better left untold.

"So tell me, Kakashi," started Dan, "How did they pick you for this program?"

"I was ordered to by Hokage-sama, for she believed I was the best candidate for this mission. Although there are many other shinobi far better than me, my leader deemed me to be able to handle it best." _Meaning she wanted to show off._

"You mean you obeyed your leader's orders just like that? You didn't refuse?" Dark Smoke Puncher asked incredulously. "My brother had to be tranquilized and carried onto the plane. I don't know why he got to go even though he didn't want to. I was totally ready for a solo mission, yo!" He looked at his parents accusingly, and they shook their heads.

"You're still too young to go gallivanting in another country." Said Mitzi. "As painfully _annoying_ his career choice is, your brother was the one best suited for this. Now hurry up and eat your beets." Dark Smoke Puncher grumbled and muttered something about 'unfair' and 'I'll show you beets'.

Kakashi glanced down on his own plate of foreign cuisine. He wrinkled his nose, picking up a strange scent. There was something, _off_ about it.

"Mitzi-san, forgive me if I sound rude but, is it custom here in America to poison your guests during dinner?"

All the McNinjas stopped eating and began to clap heartily. Kakashi was a bit confused towards their strange behaviour, but Dan clapped him on the back.

"Congratulations, son! You're the second person to ever detect Mitzi's poison cooking. You've officially passed all the initiation trials."

"Oh, well thank you." _What?_

"Kakashi," Said Mitzi, "You remind me of someone I've met before. I just can't seem to recall what the name was. 'Saki'? No. 'Satiki'? No, that's not it. 'Fred'?"

Kakashi's visible grey eye lowered slightly. Quietly he whispered, "Sakumo."

"Yes. That's it." Exclaimed Mitzi. "Sakumo. You look so much like him."

Kakashi smiled a bit behind his mask. "I'm guessing that we should look similar, considering the fact that he was my father. Sakumo Hatake. My full name is Kakashi Hatake. I was his son."

"Where was I when you met this Sakumo guy?" Asked Dan questioningly, "I don't recall ever meeting someone like that."

"You were in the Foreign Exchange Program, dear. Sakumo stayed with us while you were in Japan. Such a sweet fellow, too," Mitzi had a dreamy look in her eyes, "and so handsome. I could tell even through his mask. I believe he mentioned something about having a son. I guess that was you, Kakashi." Kakashi was a little surprised to discover that his father mentioned facts about his personal life to strangers. If it weren't for the fact that he looked like a miniature version of his father, people wouldn't have fathomed that the White Fang had a son. Dan rubbed his chin, trying to remember something from his trip to Japan.

"Of course!" he exclaimed, and pointed at Kakashi, "The little brat with the mask! That was you!"

Kakashi subtly raised an eyebrow. _Little brat?_ _I'm twenty-six._ Was everyone insistent on referring to him with such a demeaning title? Well, he'd been called worse throughout his career, in various jobs and by various people, but for some reason this one just grated on his nerves. He decided to ignore this jab to his reputation. "So you were the ninja sent over to Konoha all those years ago, Daniel-san?"

"Damned right I was, and let me tell you, you were the most uptight kid I've ever seen. Everything was manners this, and manners that for you, and you nagged non-stop. I joined the Program to escape my wife, just to discover I was gonna be living with a mini-Mitzi for a month." Dan flinched when several pieces of cutlery embedded themselves in the shape of his head on the wall behind him.

"So what's your father up to these days, Kakashi?" Said Mitzi as she yanked the silverware from the wall.

"He's dead."

"Oh…oh my, I'm so sorry. It was thoughtless of me to bring it up."

"It's not a problem, Mitzi-san. It's been a long time since then. I can barely remember it myself." _Except in nightmares, where everything is so damn clear._

"If I may ask, when did he pass away?" Mitzi asked softly.

"Twenty years ago." Said Kakashi off-handily. "The Exchange Program was one of the last missions he took." _Before he took his own life in front of my eyes._

An uncomfortable silence settled at the table. Kakashi realized what he said and reprimanded himself for being a mood killer.

"Oh, no, it wasn't this mission that did him in. Dan-san, when you were over at my village you saw signs of a coming war, did you not?"

"Erm, yes, of course. It was everywhere." Dan answered roughly.

"Well, our country was quickly plunged into a bloody war and my father was one of the victims." _My father caused it._

"It seems our countries aren't so different after all," Mitzi commented. "Back then we were involved in a war of sorts. Actually, more like a genocide. A mass extermination of ninjas. All because of a maniacal action-star."

A revered silence shrouded the table as the older ninjas remembered the darker days of the past. Dark Smoke Puncher decided to do a sensible thing and lightened the mood a bit.

"What kind of missions do you have, Kakashi?" He asked.

"I mostly go on missions with my team. We do simple things like finding lost pets and babysitting. Sometimes we even act as bodyguards. As for solo missions, it usually involves information retrieval, infiltration, or even assassinations."

"Wow. That sounds, pretty normal actually. My family goes off to fight wizard ghosts and pirates. Heck, my brother even deals with vampires and lumberjacks."

Kakashi couldn't help but raise an eyebrow. What a strange country indeed.

* * *

**Konohagakure **

After an exhausting trip through the mountainous forests of Japan, the group of Leaf-nin and their guest finally arrived at the gates of their village. The doctor stared in awe of the sheer size of the trees that formed the village walls, and was led straight to the heart of the shinobi village; the Hokage Tower. Along the way, he was informed of the history of its foundation, and of the previous leaders that superseded Tsunade. As they entered the tower, he saw groups of ninja in army green flak jackets and metal headbands bow when they passed, muttering a respectful greeting. Lady Tsunade led him to her office, and gave him a quick orientation.

"As I have said before, McNinja-san, welcome to the Leaf Village. During your time here, you will be taking the place of one of my best ninjas who in turn has been sent to your country. Quick question, have you had any experience with children?"

The doctor scratched his chin. "Well, I do dabble in paediatrics, and I have a 12-year-old gun-slinging side-kick. Does that count?"

"Excellent," Said Tsunade, "In addition to any missions that my ninja would regularly take, you will also be in charge of his genin team, comprised of three students. They will help you for the most part, and you will go on missions with them, too. Your team missions usually never go above a C-rank, which are fairly harmless, but there is still danger present. I am placing them in your care; their lives are in your hands."

"I'll make sure they get home safe, ma'am."

Tsunade smiled. "Thank you."

As loth as she was to do so, Lady Tsunade had other matters (paperwork) to attend to, and bade the good doctor farewell. She promised to show him her talents in medicine, she being a fellow practitioner in healing, and sent him off in the direction of his new genin team.

When Dr. McNinja approached the training site, the clashing sounds of metal on metal could be heard. But as he neared, the noise deteriorated into shouts in Japanese, what seemed to be a girl scolding, and an all-out brawl. The trees soon gave way to an open area, he there he discovered the source of all the commotion.

Two boys were currently duking it out with each other; one dressed in blue, and one dressed in blinding orange. A pink haired girl was standing off to the side, an exasperated look on her face and shouting the word '_baka'_ a lot. Just another training session for Team Seven.

"_Sasuke, you bastard! You did that on purpose!" _Yelled an enraged Naruto as he threw a fist towards his teammate. Sasuke aptly dodged it and countered with his own strike.

"_It's not my fault you're too dim to know a trap when you see it." _He dodged another swipe at his head.

"_You're both idiots!" _Sakura shouted from the sidelines. "_The foreign ninja's gonna arrive any minute and you two are setting a fine example for Konoha Nin!" _

"_Too late for that,"_ Said Sasuke as he suddenly lowered his fists. The others turned to see what he was looking at and saw a man in a white lab coat and a ninja mask emerge from the trees.

"_Hey, who's the weirdo?"_ Asked Naruto. His answer was in the form of Sakura's fist.

"_Show some respect, Naruto! He's probably the foreign ninja that we're supposed to meet."_

"_Really? Then I'll go greet him!" _Naruto bounded over to the man before his teammates could stop him.

"_Yosh! Welcome to Konoha! I'm Uzumaki Naruto, and someday I'm gonna be the greatest ninja in the world, believe it! Oh, and those two are Sakura and -Up-His-Ass."_ If he was expecting a reaction from the man, then it certainly wasn't one of him frantically flipping through the pages of a book. Naruto grimaced. _Oh man, don't tell me he's gonna be a porn-addict like Kakashi-sensei._

"Uh, let's see here…_Hello… I am _Dr. McNinja…_ I_ _come from _America. _Do you speak…_Eggo?"

Naruto looked at the man with a confused expression on his face. By then his teammates were already standing by his side. "_Hey Sakura-chan, this guy's asking if we speak _Eggo. _What's _Eggo? _Is that Latin_?"

"_I think he's trying to say '_eigo', _English."_ Sasuke pointed out.

"_Oh. Then why didn't he say that in the first place?" _He was rewarded by another punch to the face.

"_It's a new language for him, idiot! It was a mistake!"_ Sakura's rage filled complexion did a 180 as she greeted the newcomer warmly in English. "Welcome to Konoha, McNinja-san. I'm Sakura Haruno. These are my teammates." She prompted the others to speak up.

"Sasuke Uchiha." The last Uchiha announced himself with an air of indifference.

"UZUMAKI NARUTO!" Naruto pumped a fist into the air with enthusiasm.

"You say your first name first in English, loser." Sasuke remarked.

"What? Argh! Don't try to act so cool, you arrogant jerk!"

"Dumbass."

"Prick!"

"Idiot!"

"EMO!"

"Take that back!"

"Make me!"

"BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!" The ground nearly shook as Sakura stomped between the two warring teens. "_You're embarrassing me enough as it is. Anymore and I'll report you to Tsunade-sama!" _The two boys cowered in front of the kunoichi like two kids faced with an angry mom. They had enough sense in them to stop fighting and look ashamed.

"I'm sorry you had to see that shameful display, McNinja-san." Sakura bowed deeply. The doctor humorously waved her off.

"It's okay, boys will be boys. But I'd say you're doing a fine job in keeping them in line." Sakura beamed at the praise. "Now that we've found each other, let's get down to business. I was told that I was to be taking the place of your teacher, and that you could show me the ways of your village. I don't know about you, but I've got a nasty case of the munchies. Care to point me in the direction of a nice food joint?"

Naruto's eyes practically shined. He was starting to like this foreign ninja.

* * *

After literally being dragged by Naruto, the four of them were comfortably seated at Ichiraiku's stall, ordering their ramen. Naruto was more than happy to help the doctor order and nearly cried in joy when he offered to pick up the tab.

"So, McNinja-sensei, what do you do over there in America?" Naruto asked as they waited for their order.

"Well, as you can see, I work as a doctor."

"You mean like a medic-nin?"

Dr. McNinja rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "You're referring to your village's ninja medics, right? I actually work as a family physician, like your civilian doctors. I run a clinic and treat people who come there. Provided their insurance checks out. Mother was furious when I told her what I wanted to be."

"But aren't you a ninja? What do you use your skills for then?" Asked Sasuke. Really, a civilian doctor? What a waste of his talents. His mother was right to be furious.

"Oh, I get mixed up with quests here and there, with the ninja zombies and the evil mimes and what not. Keeps me on my toes." His statement was met by disbelief and horror.

"Z-zombies?"

"Evil mimes?"

"T-t-toes?"

All heads turned to Sasuke.

"What?" He shrugged, "Feet creep me out." He resisted the urge to pound Naruto's laughing face in. Thankfully, Sakura did that for him.

"Podophobia?" Dr. McNinja pondered out loud. "Rare, but not unheard of. Tell me, did you experience some sort of childhood trauma? Possibly involving feet?" He began diagnosing his newfound 'patient'.

Sasuke was doing everything in his power to not run away. Of course he's had childhood trauma! His whole clan was massacred by his own brother! What kind of kid wouldn't have issues after that? It was only a strange coincidence that it somehow manifested as a weird aversion to feet. But Sasuke wasn't about to spill out his life story to this foreigner. Guy can't even hold a job as a proper ninja!

"None of your business." Sasuke muttered. "So just drop it, would you?" He flinched when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"I'll respect your privacy, Sasuke," said the ninja doctor, "but these things can escalate into something more serious. Just remember that you have friends to rely on."

Sasuke was about to make a bitter reply, but was cut off by Naruto's exclamation of "Ramen's here!" Thankful for the distraction, he dove himself into the bowl.

As Team Seven eagerly slurped their noodles, they noticed that their substitute sensei hadn't taken off his mask yet. "_Ano_, McNinja-sensei," Sakura asked, "How are you gonna eat with that mask-"

"Oh Sasuke-_kun!~"_

Her question was abruptly cut off by the arrival of Team 10, which involved Ino throwing herself against said Uchiha while haulimg her two teammates with her.

"Get off of him, Ino-pig!" Sakura yelled as she dragged the blond by her ponytail.

"Ow! Make me, Billboard-head!"

What followed was a brief tussle between the two kunoichis that had both their respective teammates trying to separate them…and failing.

"_Ahem_."

Both girls stopped their bickering and turned to the source of the voice. Dr. McNinja sat facing them, arms crossed. His bowl sat empty on the table. "Now, I know a little argument between friends is normal," he began, "But when hair-pulling gets involved, then that's getting out of hand." Both girls flushed at being reprimanded. "I believe there's some apologising to do." After both parties had muttered a quick "Sorry," the doctor smiled and clasped his hands together. "Excellent! Now if you don't mind, I'd like some more help in my tour of the village."

Ino, Shikamaru, and Choji were introduced to the foreign ninja and the large group set out from the ramen stand. As they left, Sasuke noticed the empty ramen bowl and the slight blushes that had donned the faces of the proprietor and his daughter. Memories of one of his team's escapades surfaced and he stifled a shudder. He stored the information away for later and re-joined the group.

* * *

**Notes: You know what I REALLY hate? GNOMES. They are friggin' creepy. I was playing Overlord II, and I was happily stomping through the hills, killing rabbits and whatnot, when I heard this high-pitched squeaking sound. At first I didn't know what it was, when suddenly I see this bouncing red hat jumping around me. So I kill it. And the squeaking stops. Few minutes later, I hear more squeaks. I see more bouncing hats and I send my minions to kill them. Satisfied, I go down the hill, when I'm suddenly ambushed by this squeaking bouncing fireball! The wretched thing jumps on me and attacks me like a horny chihuahua. THEN IT EXPLODES! To my horror, more of the little humping fireballs go ballistic and jump on me. Few seconds later I found myself at the respawn point. Suicide Gnomes...Scariest thing EVER. **

**-Chindu Prince of Darkness  
**


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